POEM - Being the Oldest Does Not Suck

It is the Saturday before Mother’s Day

Linda and I have snuck out

We are supposed to be buying tablecloths

Instead we are sitting at Sonic

Eating ice cream

Without any of the kids

Linda got the Strawberry Cheesecake shake

Good call

I am jonesing for caramel today

            I go for the Turtle Chocolate Lava Brownie Sundae

It turns out to be delicious

As I get to the end the ice cream and brownie mix

            Puddle in the corner

A magical, sumptuous slurry

            Reminiscent of every good birthday

It is one of my favorite things

            I scoop up a healthy serving

And offer it to Linda

She balks at the offer

Says it isn’t really her favorite

Reminds her too much of being the youngest

            And all the mud-pies her sisters fed her

I know that being the youngest has its perks

You get more attention

You get special treatment

The parents are usually too tired to care

By the time the youngest rolls around

So you can get away with stuff

            Stuff that makes the older siblings incredulous

Spewing the obligatory comments

About how easy the youngest always has it

But after this incident with Linda, I’ve reconsidered

Being the test run child wasn’t so bad

The oldest slot was really pretty good

For one, I don’t have a working knowledge

            Of the texture of mud pies

I never received

nooggies,

wedgies

or swirlies

I issued them!

I had permanent shot-gun when mom was absent

Made all the mistakes first

            Before my parents could see them coming

Lived my life in new underwear

            Unlike my three younger brothers

The briefs and boxers rolled downhill

            In our frugal household

So being the oldest is something I’ll take

Because it’s hard to be happy

When your mom places underwear in your drawer

            That have someone else’s name in the waistband