POEM - No Sir-ree

There is really nothing to argue about

I’m going to live longer

It’s just a statistical and universal fact

It’s not like it’s a bad deal

After all, I get stuck here with the kids

I’m not saying it is tomorrow

Or even any time soon

So no need to go and get huffy

With your panties all in a bunch

Come on, look at the intrinsic evidence

You come from a people ridden with cancer

I have endless self confidence

And an indomitable optimism

Not to mention all the cinnamon and ginger I eat

Not to mention my love for raw milk

and my amazing immune system

See, there’s your problem, right there

Just dismiss all the evidence

No second thought, with you

Dismiss, dismiss, dismiss

It is written in the stars

Yet you turn a blind eye

Which I might add wouldn’t be blind

If you drank more carrot juice

Which I squeeze fresh each day

How can I be so sure, you ask

Well Jiminy Cricket told me

Straight to my face through the TV

I know it was a national broadcast

But I caught the sub text

“I’m no fool, no sir-ree,

            I’m gonna live to be hundred and three!

Cuz I play safe for you and me,

            Cuz I’m no-o-o-o foo-oo-ooo-lll!”

The diminutive green oracle

Predicted my impressive life span

In the dawning of my glorious era of time

            As it was sung, so let it be done