POEM - Reasons to be Fat

Global warming favors the zaftig

The pleasantly plump don’t fear as snow caps melt

Trust me, I know of what I speak

I have spent years in pursuit of gluttony

Frittered away the hours with fritters

In slothful doughnut-ty bliss

I’d say it was my passion

But that sounds a lot like work

A mere pastime is all this is

A way to fill the void

            Between doing nothing and sleep

I even felt guilt at times

Watching the fit folk fleet of foot fly by

As I languidly lingered

Lazily afloat in my pool

Sublime repose; a living raft

I laughingly called it swimming

But really I’d just bob and toss

            Swayed by each ripple of the wind

Indifferent

Then the unthinkable happened

I decided to get in shape

Walk instead of shuffle

Ride my bike instead of the recliner

I became trim,

                        svelte,

                                    sexy . . .

Muscular and vibrant:

A fine specimen

The picture of health

An inspiration

I triumphantly returned to the pool

Giddy joy coursing through cholesterol free veins

Eager to glide effortlessly through the azure world

A new aquatic creature of awe and prowess

Glide I did

And then I sank

Like the chiseled stone

I had come to resemble

Then I sank further

Confused and depressed

Until it hit me:

Fat Floats

And as I walked across the bottom

I thought of life preservers

And round fluffy rings

Surely jelly donuts are better training

For when the world heats up

As the oceans take over

            The fatties will float to the top!