Saturday, May 11, 2013

POEM - Being the Oldest Does Not Suck


It is the Saturday before Mother’s Day
Linda and I have snuck out
We are supposed to be buying tablecloths
Instead we are sitting at Sonic
Eating ice cream
Without any of the kids

Linda got the Strawberry Cheesecake shake
Good call
I am jonesing for caramel today
            I go for the Turtle Chocolate Lava Brownie Sundae
It turns out to be delicious

As I get to the end the ice cream and brownie mix
            Puddle in the corner
A magical, sumptuous slurry
            Reminiscent of every good birthday
It is one of my favorite things
            I scoop up a healthy serving
And offer it to Linda
She balks at the offer
Says it isn’t really her favorite
Reminds her too much of being the youngest
            And all the mud-pies her sisters fed her

I know that being the youngest has its perks
You get more attention
You get special treatment
The parents are usually too tired to care
By the time the youngest rolls around
So you can get away with stuff
            Stuff that makes the older siblings incredulous
Spewing the obligatory comments
About how easy the youngest always has it

But after this incident with Linda, I’ve reconsidered
Being the test run child wasn’t so bad
The oldest slot was really pretty good

For one, I don’t have a working knowledge
            Of the texture of mud pies
I never received
nooggies,
wedgies
or swirlies
I issued them!

I had permanent shot-gun when mom was absent
Made all the mistakes first
            Before my parents could see them coming

Lived my life in new underwear
            Unlike my three younger brothers
The briefs and boxers rolled downhill
            In our frugal household
So being the oldest is something I’ll take
Because it’s hard to be happy
When your mom places underwear in your drawer
            That have someone else’s name in the waistband

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